Friendships — we grow older and they evolve with us
“The world has quite the magical way of placing the most random, yet necessary, people in our lives”. I call those people Friends, with big F.
Friendships appear in our lives holding many faces, many ages and many circumstances. We make friends at school and later on at work. Childhood friendships can stick with us till our adult life or they can slowly disappear with time, giving space to the new ones. Friends of our friends can be our friends as well. Sometimes we can be surprised when somebody becomes one of our “people” when we least expect it from her. And many times, those are the most precious ones.
My first best friend was my Mother.
And she actually still is. When I was young, my girlfriends at the time used to get very surprised when I was saying how close I am with my Mom. They would find it odd that I was able to share with her basically everything. So sometimes I would even prefer not to reveal that, because I didn’t want to be mocked.
My girlfriends of today though, who are responsible and grown-up women, tend to be even a little jealous about my so close relationship with the one who gave me life, the greatest gift of all. My friends today say it is really rare to be able to be so sincere with your Mother, as they themselves have never had this kind of relationship with theirs.
Those are the moments which make me proud, and I am sure my Mom is proud as well of what she has managed to build with me through all those years, especially that our mother-daughter bond is not exactly the same as she had had with her own mother, to say it least.
But my Mom is not only the one who knows everything about my life, every little secret, every love story, every break-up (which, I must say, always breaks her heart a bit as well), every success and every failure. She is also the first one I call when something really great happens to me, and the first one to hear me crying when I feel sad. She is the one giving me a piece of advice whenever I need it, and I am always astonished at how right she usually is. That must be some kind of special mother-power I suppose?
Sometimes we call each other just to say hello, to wish each other “a nice day”, and sometimes just to say “I love you” — the three words she taught me to say without fear, but rather with confidence, and always from the bottom of my heart. Each year, for my birthday, she calls me at exactly 11 a.m., that is the hour I was born on a cold winter Friday in January 1984. Each year as well, she calls me on my name’s day in July, and on the Children’s Day in June. Those are our little mommy-and-her-girl routines, but they truly bring joy and make those days special and unforgettable.
So, what is it exactly that makes two people Friends with big F?
Well, the first important ingredient is time. Real friendship doesn’t happen overnight. It requires months, sometimes years, of hard work, good care, patience and attention. And those need to remain constant, otherwise it is very easy to lose a friend, and that loss actually can happen from one day to another.
For the true bonding to happen, there must be trust, honesty, and a little bit of fun and affection too. It requires being there for your person when she needs it, whether it is to share her laughs or her tears. It also means being there when your friend does not ask for you, but the strong connection you both have gives you the ability to feel when your presence would be mostly appreciated.
You just know when you need to get in that car or jump on that subway and listen to her story, hold her hand when she cries, and hold your belly when you both laugh like crazy. Yes my friend, that is what it really takes!
Life goes on and we evolve with the passing time.
Those who were still our friends a few years ago — might not be them anymore today. And this is completely normal. Long time ago you used to ride the same train, in the same direction and at the same pace. Then at some point some of your friends got out at one of the stations, while you continued the journey.
Or maybe you got out at the same time as they did, but just to change the train and continue the ride in a different direction. Those few precious ones stayed in touch, sporadically or on a more regular basis. But still, you can feel your relationship is not the same as it used to be.
Times change, and people change too.
And there is nothing you can do about it. What you can do though is hold on tight to the Friends you have right now, as they are surely not going anywhere for at least a little while…
